Understanding Self Abandonment
Reconnect with your true self
“You are only free when you realize you belong no place—you belong every place—no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great.”
-Maya Angelou
This week I have been thinking a lot about authenticity and how difficult it is for some people to identify what it means to be authentic. This made me dig deeper around the idea of self abandonment. Self abandonment is when you seek external forces to give yourself a sense of purpose and validation. This is why many people struggle with having low self worth, low self esteem, and confusion around what it is they even really want.
Self abandonment is something that happens when you suppress our needs, wants or desires to benefit someone else. This happens when you say yes to an event or a request to do something for someone, when you actually don’t want to do it or you are unable to do it. It is allowing people to mistreat you because you are afraid of what would happen to the relationship if you spoke up.
This may have started when you were a child. For example, if you cried to express yourself and you heard back “big girls/boys don’t cry.” Overtime, you would be less likely to express yourself when you are sad because you were scolded for crying.
Maybe you were given the role of a caregiver for a sibling and if you didn’t do something for them you were shamed and which led to feelings of guilt. The message to you is, your needs are not important, your siblings needs come first. This could also pour over into other relationships where you are paying close attention to how others feel instead of yourself.
Overtime, this creates a disconnect between your own wants and needs and the needs of others. It becomes hard to identify what your body is truly feeling because you haven’t been focusing on what is going on internally.
Signs of Self Abandonment
People pleasing
Lack of boundaries
Seeking the approval of others
Suppressing your feelings
Pretending to be someone that you are not
Creating awareness around your internal thoughts, feelings and actions allows you to have more clarity in your life and take better care of yourself.
Commit to understanding yourself. So often people feel misunderstood, but the only person that has to understand you, is yourself. Do you know what your body really needs to feel comfortable? Do you know what makes you feel uncomfortable? Dig deeper within and seek your own validation.
Reconnect With Yourself
Identify your wants, needs and values
Practice self compassion
Say no to anything that doesn’t align with you
Reflection Questions:
When were you scared of self expression?
What happened when you said no to a caregiver?
What happened when you did express your feelings?
How can you show care for yourself today?